Do Men Think You Are Unapproachable? Is That Ok With You?

From The E Mail Bag

Andreya writes: “I do want to be with my body/mind/soulmate. I don’t remember being abandoned by girlfriends while I was dating someone nor when I broke up with him. I found my girlfirends most supportive. This was true for boyfriends and when I divorced…..

I have long-term male and female friends, friendships lasting decades. I am visiting a guy friend and his family as well as a single friend for two weeks each on my trip to California….

AND, I am still single and would prefer to be with my body/mind/soulmate. (I want it all.)”

Hi Andreya,

Thanks for your post. I admire your ability to sustain lasting relationships for so many years. It is comforting to have a host of supporters…like the cell phone commercial! Even though you have wonderful friends, there is no doubt that what you want (to meet men who could be that Soul Mate) is not measuring up to what is happening (you are only meeting men who do not qualify or you are not meeting new and interesting men at all).

What I do know for sure from my work with highly successful women who are not with the man ideally suited to them for a long term relationship, is that they are not aware of the image they are projecting to the world.

Most are stunned to realize that they are projecting an “I’m not available” image. Not only that, little do they know that this image or vibe is amazingly efficient at keeping the “right” type of man out of their experience.

How do I know this to be true? Exactly, how many prospects with real potential have you dated in the last year? I rest my case!

If you think you might be sending out this “I love being single” vibe when you want to be sending a “I’m ready for a man with substance ” vibe, it is wise to look deep within your heart to see what is behind your singleness.

One way to approach this is to take a few days to compile a list of all the best parts about your life right now. What are the advantages of being single? While you might not come up with many at first, if you work on this for a couple of days, you may surprise yourself. Once your list is complete, go through each item and decide mindfully whether or not you are negotiable on it.

This self reflection may be just what the doctor ordered in helping you discover why you are still single. If you still don’t see yourself as unapproachable, ask a close friend to go through your list with you. Her view of your current state of affairs or lack of (sorry, couldn’t resist) may add extra dimension to your self inquiry.

Once you unearth the root to your singleness, you will have one of two outcomes. One, you may indeed embrace your singleness with new passion as it IS life affirming for you or two, you will find yourself in the right place and the right time more often where you will cross paths with many more interesting and available men!

Talk about a win-win!

Good luck to you, Andreya!


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Filed under Soul Mates

9 responses to “Do Men Think You Are Unapproachable? Is That Ok With You?

  1. Hi Catherine,

    You’re definitely on to something!

    I didn’t marry until I was in my early thirties; and while there were times when I thought, “oh I wish I was married – or at least truly serious about someone” – the reality was, I was having a ball.

    Looking back, I simply wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. And no doubt I was sending out those vibes!

    teehee – be careful what you wish for!


  2. Catherine Behan

    Hi Patricia,

    Thanks for your comments. Amazing how we can be sending out vibes that are so opposed to what we THINK that we are putting out there.

    I once heard a quote that the way we feel about ourselves is the predominant vibration that the Universe responds to. That sure adds some incentive to working on self concept, doesn’t it?

    What are some keys that keep your relationship humming along?


  3. Hi Catherine,

    You have a fantastic insight into relationships. It’s amazing how we attract people into our lives. Over the years my thoughts have attracted people into my life, at the time I was unaware of this! Now I take much more care with my thoughts to stand a far better chance of creating the life that I want with the people that I want around me.

    I have recently read Wallace Wattles ‘Science of Getting Rich’ which confirms the importance of thinking in a certain way.

    Thank you for posting on my group and sharing your thoughts with us.

    Have a superb day,


  4. Andreya

    Thank you for taking the time to answer. I will do as you suggested. Sounds good!


  5. Catherine Behan

    Hi Noelyne,

    Thanks for your comments. After divorcing my first husband, I became bound and determined to see relationship differently.

    My take on relationship is decidedly unique and fun. I am having a great time teaching women how to find the best part of their men and to nurture that part.

    I know for sure that what we focus on expands so why not focus on something you used to adore about your man!!

    If you are looking for more interesting men in your life, look at what you have been focusing on and you will have a clue about how to change that!

    I look forward to hearing more from you!

  6. Catherine Behan

    Hi Andreya,

    You are welcome and let us know how you are doing with your “Why Am I Still Single” detective work!


  7. Angie

    I discovered something today about myself that is so beneficial that I wanted to share it. Up until today I was feeling pretty good about my relationship with my boyfriend. I started feeling needy, whiny, unappreciated and like maybe I shouldn’t be with him; he’s not meeting my needs. I realized that over the past two weeks I’ve spent VERY little time talking with and spending time with my girlfriends. It made me realize how important female friendships are; how they keep you from projecting negatively onto your man, which exhausts him and drives him away. This was an exciting revelation for me. Now I can relax about my romantic relationship, since there really is nothing wrong with it right now, and focus on my girlfriends and myself and fill up that void positively instead of projecting onto my boyfriend and letting it become a self-fulfilling prophesy, that something is wrong with HIM or the relationship on a whole! I’ve been neglecting time for myself as well, doing the things I love to do in order to spend more time with him. I TOTALLY understand the importance of taking time for ourselves, Ladies, and for our girlfriends. Keep them at the top of your priority list and I bet it will help the romantic relationships!

  8. Catherine Behan

    Hi Angie,

    Thanks for sharing your good news! I am glad you noticed that you had been slacking a bit on your girl friends….don’t we all tend to do that a little too much! Then when we need them, they are not around!

    I remind myself continually that my man is not girlfriend material and that I can’t make him into a female cohort!

    Sometimes when I am feeling sad or overwhelmed and no girl is around, I will tell him that I need him to be a girlfriend for a minute and then I tell him how:

    Please just listen, nod and say it will be ok, baby and then give me a hug. OK, maybe I wouldn’t include the baby part with my peeps but the heart is still there!

    He is always willing to be there for me when I ask like this. Then I drop my worry or my sadness and let it go. I know he can’t understand when I keep going over and over an issue, repeating the story until his eyes are glazed over.

    After all, bless his heart, he is not a girl friend!

    Kudos to you Angie!!

  9. Pingback: I Never Thought I Would Feel Like This! « How To Make Your Man Perfect

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