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Why is it that when I need him the most, my man is not able to relate to what I am trying to explain to him?
Why is it that he gets that glazed over look on his face when I say, “Could we talk about something that is bothering me?”
Even though most of the time I do feel connected to him, if he is distracted or stressed or focused on the baseball game and doesn’t look at me and engage with me…my first reaction is to feel hurt. I actually feel a twinge in my chest as I feel resentful that he won’t pay attention to me.
Yikes, writing that makes me feel like an infant, for pete’s sake! If my man doesn’t want to listen to me at the exact moment I want him too, what exactly does that mean? What a good question that is.
I could spin it negatively and say things to myself like “I hate it when he shuts me out.” “I hate that he watches baseball instead of wanting to talk to me.” “He never listens to me.” (this is a dangerous one, do I mean NEVER?) “Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.” You can see where this slippery slope is going.
STOP right there!! There is another perspective and with just a little bit of creativity, you can spin his inattentiveness entirely in your favor. See how these thoughts feel: “Even though he is unavailable to me in this moment, I know he loves me.” “Even though it seems as if he is shutting me out, this might have nothing to do with me at all.” “Even though he is not listening to me right now, there will be another chance for me to talk about this.” “Even though I am feeling insecure right now, I am willing to see this situation in a different way.
With a little bit of effort, you can spin his moments of guyness in your favor. He is who he is and sometimes he needs time without you. Recognizing this and choosing not to take it personally will empower you and will actually make it more likely that he will engage with you more often and more intimately.
Let me tell you one of my favorite tips. When I sense that my man is distracted and I have some piece of information I can’t wait to tell him, this is what I say: “I have something I want to run by you and I wonder if you mind if I wait until after the game to talk to you.” He always responds positively. He seems to appreciate my noticing that he is occupied and then he always agrees to chat later. The best part? Choosing to let him have his time knowing I will have my time later makes me feel valued and important to him.
Remember, you have a bit of an edge as a woman. Your strong intuitive sense helps you create a positive spin and with practice you will be amazed at how your man will learn to not only listen to you but to seek you out when he wants to talk, or at least if he wants you to see an exciting instant replay from the game!
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