Tag Archives: boyfriend
10. Whine about what your best friend got and how you never get anything you like.
9. Drag him to the mall with a notebook and stroll around pointing out things you like.
8. Remind him how much he botched the last three gift giving occasions.
7. Tell him how your last boyfriend always picked the best gifts for you.
6. Stop in front of every jewelry store and drool over diamonds.
5. Pick your favorite store and tell him a gift certificate from there is perfect.
3. Cut out pictures of things you like and tape them to his bathroom mirror.
2. Agree to a $25 limit and stick to it.
1. Ask him to plan a romantic evening for the two of you and surprise you!
Remember, he loves you. He knows that Christmas is special to you. He may just be insecure about buying you the perfect gift, especially if you want a ring. Be patient and kind. Praise him for being thoughtful and accept his gift with a sense of light heartedness and he will feel awesome for pleasing you!
How many times do we hear it?
“Sure, after I trained him to be the perfect boyfriend, he breaks up with me and goes to be perfect for someone else.”
Has this happened to you?
We can learn a lot from our short term relationships. We bump and bruise each other like bumper cars in an old time amusement park. We fight, argue, push our weight around or we withdraw, pout and manipulate.
Isn’t that a charming list of behaviors! If we think that our man of the moment is the One, these ups and downs can be devastating. If he IS the One, fear of losing him can take your power away from you and you will start compromising on some things you know are not right for you. No wonder we are in a mess when it comes to sorting out our feelings and getting really clear….I mean REALLY CLEAR on what we want in a partner.
When your man disappoints you, it is painful, I know because I went through a disappointing event with my man just a few hours ago. The first thing I did, which was different for me, was to say “Could we not decide right now? Could we table this and at least talk about it later?” He agreed and I left the room.
I felt hurt and sad and everything in me, well that is not so true anymore, but a rather large part of me wanted to blame him for making me feel so bad. After all, his words made my heart start to hurt….or did they?
I am learning that the emotional pain I feel when my man disappoints me was there all the time. He doesn’t climb inside of my body and pinch me in the place where I feel my heart ache. I am learning that the spot within me that aches when he acts in certain ways is simply a place where my body has agreed to carry the emotional pain from past events.
What you say? The past is in the past and that is that. I don’t let any of that drama bother me anymore.
I hear you! I know you have moved on and have turned your back on a lot of the hurtful relationships you have had in the past and I say….you go girl!! But, and this is a big one, how sure are you that you are not missing some emotional energy still stuck to the ghosts in your past?
That is why, and ladies….write this down….you can learn to actually be grateful for the hurt feelings that your man brings up in you. Look, you have to admit, half the time he upsets you he simply says something stupid that he doesn’t really mean at all, right?
Learn to look at yourself differently and you will respond to him differently….guaranteed.
After I got my own self back in balance, I went outside and meditated and rested for an hour (VERY unusual behavior for me, as I am about a 15 minute meditater) and re-entered life. I still felt a little hurt but I had convinced myself that if his opinion was right that it would all work out ok. I decided on a course of action that felt neutral and I felt calm about it.
We had a brief and peaceful follow up chat and things are smoothing out.
I know that I am changing as I allow myself to recognize when I am upset and simply handle it differently than I usually do. Breaking habitual relationship behavior is an excellent way to plow the ground and get ready to plant new skills, new fun and new lovin’!
The road to self love and self compassion is the only one that counts!
The Answer May Surprise You.
The disappointment I hear in the voices of the women who are lonely and looking for romance in their lives is haunting.
“Why do I keep attracting the jerks and losers?”
“All of the men in my age group are married or satisfied with being single.”
“What if I never meet the love of my life?”
There is a hidden key to finding the man of your dreams and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with your past lovers or the emotionally distant relationship you might have with your dad.
The key to finding a man who gets you and loves you is to fully recover from the hurts from the women in your past.
What you say?
How can my friendships with women have anything to do with finding my soul mate?
Let me tell you a story.
When Janna went to college, she felt really lucky. She hadn’t fit in with the cool kids in high school and was a loner. College was different though. She met people she could relate to and began to find friends.
Naïve and open, she began to trust these girls and let herself be known more and more deeply. It was fun to come home to the dorm and always find someone up, no matter what time it was, to share about dates, guys and guys.
These were really great friendship times and Janna flourished.
Then, out of the blue, Janna met a guy of her own. It was an instant crush. Every cell in her body vibrated when she thought about him. Body, mind and soul all completely captured by this wonderful man.
She fell hard and, lucky for her, so did he. Janna and Dan began hanging out together as often as they could. They didn’t really date, they just hung out. It was comfortable and fun and felt very right.
What happened next with her girlfriends blindsided her completely. Janna’s roommate, Kate, was going through a messy breakup with her longterm boyfriend at the time. Somehow, they saw Janna’s time spent with Dan as an abandonment of Kate.
As they made their stance more and more clear, Janna was faced with a difficult choice. Her girlfriends or…..her soulmate.
Of course she chose Dan. He was her whole world.
What a time it was. The chemistry was strong and steady. They got each other. It was so easy to be together and they couldn’t get enough of each other. It was completely natural for them to spend more and more time together. And so they did.
The price was high though. In the not fully informed decision making of a teenage crowd, Janna was excised from the group. At the time, it didn’t seem to matter. The hurt and disappointment was completely hidden by the overwhelming chemistry between Janna and Dan.
The loss of the friendships, the support, the smiles, the involvement the fun of girlfriendness was never addressed.
When Janna and Dan broke up after a passionate, complicated and significant length of time, Janna was left not only without her soulmate and her girlfriends, she also had taken a huge hit in the area of trust. After all, she had picked those girls and her soulmate and those choices were filled with drama and trauma.
Unaware of the unexpressed disappointment still deep in her memory, Janna never trusted women again. Holding her heart closed from other girls, she could comfort herself knowing she couldn’t get hurt like that again.
Fast forward ten, twenty years or so. Janna now has had many women friends over the years but few that have sustained themselves. She is lonely and, truth be told, desperate to meet a man to be with. She wants what she had with Dan. She wants to feel that excitement again. The wanting of it is steady and intense. “Where is he?” She cries into her pillow at night. “Why can’t I meet him?”
The betrayal of women, by women, is the single most injurious of emotional wounding. Self protective postures and behaviors keep women at arms length from each other.
Ask yourself, how many women do I trust completely?
Unless you are very different than most, you come up with a very low number.
What in the world does all this have to do with your invisible soulmate?
When you are drawn into a romantic relationship with an unconscious (which by its nature is naïve and open, bless its heart) desire to fulfill both a girlfriend’s and a boyfriend’s roles, the result is always devastating. Whether it ends sooner or later, the results are the same. The relationship is lopsided and, without help, pretty doomed.
Not many men are going to be attracted (in the invisible but oh so real world of energetic signals.) to you with this signal. Men run from neediness every time. They can’t be everything to you and you wouldn’t want a man who thought that he could. Trust me.
They read it with their Man Radar.
Yuck, you say, I don’t want to radiate that!
Are you ready to start doing things differently?
How serious are you about finding your soul mate?
Take an inventory and see how many of your past female friendships ended badly. Check in with your heart to see if past betrayal still hurts.
Are you holding yourself back in your search for your soulmate because the pain of a broken heart seems worse than being alone?
Learning to open your heart again toward women will put you on the fast track to receiving the man the Universe has been trying to bring to you.
Before you say that you don’t have any issues with those mean girls, ask yourself this question:
Why am I still single?
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