Tag Archives: friendship

Would You Rather Be Happy…..Or Right?

I love men.

I really do.

But one of the things that is toughest for me is when the man in my life thinks he is right when I am pretty darn sure that he is not.

It has been a challenge to pick my battles carefully. If it is critical that he know that he is not as right as he thinks he is, I am building the courage and the vocabulary to gently express myself. This morning I mentioned that I met a new friend, a medical doctor, and that I wanted to nurture the relationship.

His reaction was, “You know, you have to watch that kind of thing.” My immediate reaction was to defend myself by saying, “Why are you….(always so negative).” Parentheses because I stopped myself (boy did it take me forever to stop myself midstream!) I changed my language and said, “That sounded negative to me, what do you mean?”

He then explained to me that a friendship with a medical person could be hampered by asking for free medical advice and then told a personal story that supported his feelings. I then explained that I was aware of that and further explained why I enjoyed my conversations with this gifted young man interested in healing the whole being.

It was important for me to express myself this time and I did. The exchange was positive and I felt happy that he saw my perspective and accepted it.

There are other times, and ladies, I suggest you find as many of these as you possibly can, where I say “You are right about that.” even if he is not quite as right I think he thinks he is. When he expresses an opinion about something I am not emotionally invested in, I eagerly agree knowing his heart expands when I do so.

For example, if he is talking about the high salaries of major league athletes, I really don’t care and could say nothing, but I now know that saying…”You’re right about that.” scores me mega points in his eyes, whether he consciously realizes it or not!

Then, if I need to express something because he is wrong about something important, I have created a comfort zone with him and he is more open to me.

I like being happy. I like it alot!

Maybe being right is overrated!

We really are in this together!

Catherine

Are you out of tune with your man? Did he used to be in to you but now you are not so sure? Were you sure he was your soul mate and now you are thinking, “What was I thinking?”

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished?  Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low.  Take control of your love life! Click here for a complimentary strategy session.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Walking The Walk

Why Can’t I Find My Soulmate?

The Answer May Surprise You.

The disappointment I hear in the voices of the women who are lonely and looking for romance in their lives is haunting.

“Why do I keep attracting the jerks and losers?”

“All of the men in my age group are married or satisfied with being single.”

“What if I never meet the love of my life?”

Ouch.

There is a hidden key to finding the man of your dreams and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with your past lovers or the emotionally distant relationship you might have with your dad.

The key to finding a man who gets you and loves you is to fully recover from the hurts from the women in your past.

What you say?

How can my friendships with women have anything to do with finding my soul mate?

Let me tell you a story.

When Janna went to college, she felt really lucky. She hadn’t fit in with the cool kids in high school and was a loner. College was different though. She met people she could relate to and began to find friends.

Naïve and open, she began to trust these girls and let herself be known more and more deeply. It was fun to come home to the dorm and always find someone up, no matter what time it was, to share about dates, guys and guys.

These were really great friendship times and Janna flourished.

Then, out of the blue, Janna met a guy of her own. It was an instant crush. Every cell in her body vibrated when she thought about him. Body, mind and soul all completely captured by this wonderful man.

She fell hard and, lucky for her, so did he. Janna and Dan began hanging out together as often as they could. They didn’t really date, they just hung out. It was comfortable and fun and felt very right.

What happened next with her girlfriends blindsided her completely. Janna’s roommate, Kate, was going through a messy breakup with her longterm boyfriend at the time. Somehow, they saw Janna’s time spent with Dan as an abandonment of Kate.

As they made their stance more and more clear, Janna was faced with a difficult choice. Her girlfriends or…..her soulmate.

Of course she chose Dan. He was her whole world.

What a time it was. The chemistry was strong and steady. They got each other. It was so easy to be together and they couldn’t get enough of each other. It was completely natural for them to spend more and more time together. And so they did.

The price was high though. In the not fully informed decision making of a teenage crowd, Janna was excised from the group. At the time, it didn’t seem to matter. The hurt and disappointment was completely hidden by the overwhelming chemistry between Janna and Dan.

The loss of the friendships, the support, the smiles, the involvement the fun of girlfriendness was never addressed.

When Janna and Dan broke up after a passionate, complicated and significant length of time, Janna was left not only without her soulmate and her girlfriends, she also had taken a huge hit in the area of trust. After all, she had picked those girls and her soulmate and those choices were filled with drama and trauma.

Unaware of the unexpressed disappointment still deep in her memory, Janna never trusted women again. Holding her heart closed from other girls, she could comfort herself knowing she couldn’t get hurt like that again.

Fast forward ten, twenty years or so. Janna now has had many women friends over the years but few that have sustained themselves. She is lonely and, truth be told, desperate to meet a man to be with. She wants what she had with Dan. She wants to feel that excitement again. The wanting of it is steady and intense. “Where is he?” She cries into her pillow at night. “Why can’t I meet him?”

Freeze Frame:

The betrayal of women, by women, is the single most injurious of emotional wounding. Self protective postures and behaviors keep women at arms length from each other.

Ask yourself, how many women do I trust completely?

Unless you are very different than most, you come up with a very low number.

What in the world does all this have to do with your invisible soulmate?

Everything.

When you are drawn into a romantic relationship with an unconscious (which by its nature is naïve and open, bless its heart) desire to fulfill both a girlfriend’s and a boyfriend’s roles, the result is always devastating. Whether it ends sooner or later, the results are the same. The relationship is lopsided and, without help, pretty doomed.

Not many men are going to be attracted (in the invisible but oh so real world of energetic signals.) to you with this signal. Men run from neediness every time. They can’t be everything to you and you wouldn’t want a man who thought that he could. Trust me.

They read it with their Man Radar.

Yuck, you say, I don’t want to radiate that!

Are you ready to start doing things differently?

How serious are you about finding your soul mate?

Take an inventory and see how many of your past female friendships ended badly. Check in with your heart to see if past betrayal still hurts.

Are you holding yourself back in your search for your soulmate because the pain of a broken heart seems worse than being alone?

Learning to open your heart again toward women will put you on the fast track to receiving the man the Universe has been trying to bring to you.

Before you say that you don’t have any issues with those mean girls, ask yourself this question:

Why am I still single?

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You are welcome to use this article anytime, just be sure to include the following author information:

9 Comments

Filed under Soul Mates