Tag Archives: heart

Do You Still Believe In Soul Mates

Once upon a time, a young mom with a bright, beautiful future embraced her life with all of her heart.cat-kids21

She loved her children, her husband and her life. She had no idea what lay ahead for her. She adored being a mom and was lucky enough to be able to take a couple years off to spend at home with her kids.

What she couldn’t see happening at the time was the slow, steady and inevitable diminishing of her connection to her husband and their marriage. Who knows what the first clues were.

She didn’t hear her heart whispering to her, “Something is wrong here, recalculate your settings, you are closing yourself to the dreams of love for the sake of avoiding conflict and fighting.”

Because she couldn’t hear the wisdom of her heart, calling her to see LOVE as something she could nurture and invest in, she began FIGURING OUT how to find happiness.

Instead of living a HEART CENTERED LIFE, she cleverly created an INTELLECTUAL AND HEAD CENTERED LIFE that worked, or rather seemed to work, for many years.

She had no idea how much more difficult, in fact, how nearly impossible it is to create a sustainable relationship with HEAD CENTERED reasoning.

She felt strong and capable, and no, she DIDN’T FEEL LOVED, the way she felt others were loved, but she made her home, raised her children, went back to work and lived life figuring that FEELING DEEPLY LOVED was just not her fate.

Fast Forward…..Children grown, marriage in pieces, heavily medicated with anti depressant medication–a life changing AHA experience woke her up from her complacent coma and blasted her into a completely different world.

The girl in this picture, the 29 year old mom glowing with hope and purpose, is me. I am so glad that even though life has taken paths I never anticipated, I STILL BELIEVE IN LOVE…..1000%.

I believe in SOUL MATE LOVE even more than I ever did. I know my first husband was my soul mate. I loved him completely and focused my life around him. I have two fantastic children and the world’s cutest grandbaby.

I also have been blessed with a SECOND SOUL MATE….a second chance at love….a second chance at life as someone’s BELOVED.

DON’T GIVE UP ON LOVE.

IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A SOUL MATE OUT THERE……DON’T GIVE UP!

IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BRING SOUL MATE LOVE BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP….YOU ARE RIGHT!

Being someone’s BELOVED is a sweet deeply soul satisfying place to live.

I wish that for each and everyone of you!

Together we can create HEART CENTERED relationships, we have much to teach to one another and we MUST START AT HOME.

Can you be the SOULMATE OF YOUR SOUL? Are you willing to BE THE SOUL MATE your future partner is searching for?

Sound in….DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN SOUL MATES?

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How To Make Your Man Miserable

Someone typed that into the Google window on their way to finding this blog and I couldn’t resist!

Why in the world would you want to make your man miserable anyway? The answer may surprise you!

If your relationship is taking on water and you are bailing as hard as you can to stay afloat, there are some things you can do to get him to share some of the work.

Women complain that “He just sits on the couch and tunes me out.”bigstockphoto_o_no_i_don_t_want_to_listen__307379

Then they tell their circle of friends all about it and what do you know….everyone jumps in and before you know it, you have each described your man’s weaknesses and bad habits heavily laced with mean spirited emotion.

Ladies, READ THIS CAREFULLY, the way to make your man miserable is to make yourself ecstatic!

Once he is left with his own grumpy self and can’t fling it at you, he just might start picking up the slack.

I know, I know, I can hear you: “But it isn’t fair….HE is causing all of the problems. If HE would get up off the couch and fix a few things around here, I wouldn’t be so stressed. Why should I do the changing when HE is the problem.”

Whenever you are talking more about him than yourself, you are in the PERFECT PLACE to make a radical shift in how you operate. Try these 5 ideas and see if you can rock your relationship world out of miserable and into restore mode:

1. When he is being a grump, go for a walk. A long one. Plug in your Ipod and listen to your favorite music and kick it into gear. Leave him alone with himself and refresh your mind and spirit!

2. If he is buried in his newspaper and not listening to you, light the corner of his paper with a match…..no, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT, even if you want to. Ask him to put the paper down and set a time for you to check in with each other. Tell him that you want to engage with him for 10 minutes and then stick to it!

3. If he is defensive, disarm him. You know him best. You know what buttons he is sensitive to. Find something to compliment him about and say, “I want to feel closer to you and I don’t know how.”

4. Plan a candle light dinner to celebrate yourselves. No matter what, you are together for a reason and a little night music with candles is always appreciated. Reminisce over your first couple of dates and ask him, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we went back to one of those places?”

5. Write him a long letter. One that is NEVER TO BE SENT. Write to his best self, the boy he was and still is…maybe deeply guarded and overwhelmed. Tell him your hopes and dreams for each other. Write in detail and let yourself empty your heart of what you long to say. If you do this everyday for a week…you will be stunned at the change.

Lastly…..STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM, period. Words are powerful. More powerful than we give them credit for. If you wouldn’t say it in front of him….DON’T SAY IT!

Will he be miserable really? Who knows. If you change radically how you handle your disappointments in the relationship, at least it will be a fresh playing field. He may not know quite how to manage the new game but if your are supposed to be together, you will see signs that your work is paying off!

Once you follow these five steps, you will feel amazing! You will unload your backed up feelings safely and the rush of creative energy will show you that you are on the right track!  Besides, you will remember why you fell in love with him in the first place!

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Your Ex Wants Sex: 3 Ways To Know When A Bootie Call Is OK

“I am going to be in town for a couple of days and I would love to see you.” the familiar voice said hopefully.

Instantly I am flooded with emotions both good and bad. We had been broken up for a few months and I had been trying to evict him from my mind ever since.

Unbidden, thoughts about him and how hot the sex was, how beautiful I felt when I was with him, how romantic it was to sip wine at sunset, had been running through my mind for weeks. My brief fling with himbigstockphoto_young_sweethearts_13940561 had been the most fun I’d had in years!

Now here he was, breezing back into my life and inviting me to reconnect. I knew my friends would be shocked that I was even considering it, so I didn’t telling anyone he called. There were so many parts of our time together that were very good. Why did we break up anyway?

Does this ring a bell? This exact scenario happened for me several years ago and I chose to say no. It was an excruciating choice because the chemistry was ridiculous. (I would love to know why the wrong men can have such exciting chemistry…just not fair!) This is how it played out.

Gorgeous, exciting ex-flame is visiting my tiny apartment. Candles were lit, jazz was playing and he was doing his best to coax me into bed. “It is important to live in the moment,” he said to me, “Do what feels good now.” My new interest in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle not withstanding, somehow I knew he was pushing his agenda over my lackluster objections.

I was so tempted. He had asked me for a back massage which, of course, I agreed. I loved touching him and what harm could it do? Ha! As I rubbed the oil on his back, he kept gently encouraging me to respond to my natural arousal and seal the deal. What a pickle!

Somehow, in the middle of this highly charged situation, I said to myself first and then to him, “Wait a minute. Just hold up here. I want to think about what is right for me.”

I went across the room, sat in a chair, closed my eyes and pleaded with my Inner Wisdom, “Please help me know what to do. I want this man but the red flags are waving madly! What should I do?”

I was hoping I would get a clear yes (dreamer!) or a clear no but what I got was the most amazing and calming answer.

“Whichever choice you make will be fine. You are going to be fine, no matter what.”

I laughed outloud and told him what I heard. He laughed too. I am sure he was hoping my Inner Guidance said yes, but he was absolutely wonderful when I told him I decided no. He had made it clear to me that he was not interested in a relationship with me and as much as I wished I could change his mind, I had to face the truth. Sex would be fun with him but I knew myself too well. I liked him more than that and a bootie call would send me into weeks of obsession! Bottom line, I want to be loved more than anything. Love has to be primary.

What about you? Are you facing a similar situation? A dear friend of mine always used to quip  “An ex is an ex for a reason” whenever I looked back at my ex-boyfriend. I would say the same to you. But, if you are not sure, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you feel a heart connection to this man? Do you really? Get quiet and allow the memories of your break up come back to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hurt and disappointed were you? If it is 6 or above. Stop for a moment and think about adding another disappointment to the mix. Does that work for you?

2. Are you obsessing about him? If you are, that is a symptom of an out of control mind. If you broke up, there was a reason for that. Jump into a new hobby or get outside and walk a couple of miles a day while listening to a book on tape. Take action to give your thirsty mind something to think about. An obsessive woman is not very attractive, not even to her friends.

3. What do your friends think? Trust your friends. Just like the Sex In The City girls, trust someone to talk to about this. Often your friends can see your situation more clearly. Yes, Carrie and Big got together, but that was a fairy tale. More times than not an ex is an ex for a reason and moving on is your best bet.

If you can’t get him out of your mind, don’t worry! There are lots of cool ways to occupy your mind while the next candidate comes across your path. Not to sound like my grandma but, there really are a lot of fish in the sea and there is someone out there for you.

If you are spending hours a day mooning over an ex, you sure can’t put too much energy into thinking the thoughts that will attract that new man to you.  Is that ok with you?

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Do Men Think You Are Unapproachable? Is That Ok With You?

From The E Mail Bag

Andreya writes: “I do want to be with my body/mind/soulmate. I don’t remember being abandoned by girlfriends while I was dating someone nor when I broke up with him. I found my girlfirends most supportive. This was true for boyfriends and when I divorced…..

I have long-term male and female friends, friendships lasting decades. I am visiting a guy friend and his family as well as a single friend for two weeks each on my trip to California….

AND, I am still single and would prefer to be with my body/mind/soulmate. (I want it all.)”

Hi Andreya,

Thanks for your post. I admire your ability to sustain lasting relationships for so many years. It is comforting to have a host of supporters…like the cell phone commercial! Even though you have wonderful friends, there is no doubt that what you want (to meet men who could be that Soul Mate) is not measuring up to what is happening (you are only meeting men who do not qualify or you are not meeting new and interesting men at all).

What I do know for sure from my work with highly successful women who are not with the man ideally suited to them for a long term relationship, is that they are not aware of the image they are projecting to the world.

Most are stunned to realize that they are projecting an “I’m not available” image. Not only that, little do they know that this image or vibe is amazingly efficient at keeping the “right” type of man out of their experience.

How do I know this to be true? Exactly, how many prospects with real potential have you dated in the last year? I rest my case!

If you think you might be sending out this “I love being single” vibe when you want to be sending a “I’m ready for a man with substance ” vibe, it is wise to look deep within your heart to see what is behind your singleness.

One way to approach this is to take a few days to compile a list of all the best parts about your life right now. What are the advantages of being single? While you might not come up with many at first, if you work on this for a couple of days, you may surprise yourself. Once your list is complete, go through each item and decide mindfully whether or not you are negotiable on it.

This self reflection may be just what the doctor ordered in helping you discover why you are still single. If you still don’t see yourself as unapproachable, ask a close friend to go through your list with you. Her view of your current state of affairs or lack of (sorry, couldn’t resist) may add extra dimension to your self inquiry.

Once you unearth the root to your singleness, you will have one of two outcomes. One, you may indeed embrace your singleness with new passion as it IS life affirming for you or two, you will find yourself in the right place and the right time more often where you will cross paths with many more interesting and available men!

Talk about a win-win!

Good luck to you, Andreya!

Catherine

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished?  Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low.   Click here for a complimentary Love Set Point Consultation.

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