Tag Archives: loved

I Love You—Why Is It So Hard For Him To Say?

Be A Love Detective bigstockphoto_close_up_on_love_3289620

“My husband never says, I love you anymore.”

Why is it that men are so resistant to the “L” word?

Why is it that women are so addicted to it?

Does saying “I love you” really matter?

What? You say.

Of course it matters. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me.

Wait just a moment….did you say that a man cannot love you without saying I love you?

Think about that one for a minute.

Is it possible for a man to love you WITHOUT telling you so? And why is it so bleeping important to HEAR those three little words.

That being said, is it also possible that our addiction to hearing those three words closes us to other expressions of love that are right in front of our noses?

I want to throw another perspective unto the table.

What if we women could back off on our insistence that love be expressed on our terms and our terms only?

What if we could become Love Detectives and search out the clues that lead to our understanding of just how much our men DO care for us?

What if we could put aside our need to hear those words and instead begin celebrating the clues we find?

I am listening……

I can just hear some of you screaming in protest! “I already do most of the work and don’t want to be a Love Detective! I want him to shape up!”

I know, I know but believe me, your man will step up to the plate when you take some of the pressure off of him. Believe it or not, he is doing the best he can. He has no idea how to make you feel loved and you and I both know that men don’t like to be in situations where they may appear weak and clueless.

So what to do?  Tune in tomorrow and I will lay out the plan…..

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How Much Love Can You Handle?

Hi Everyone,

Today I invited Nina Ferrell to contribute her fab piece on Receiving Love. Hope you enjoy it and HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!

How Much Love Can YOU Handle?

That may seem like a strange question but I wonder if we realize to which extent we shut love out of our lives – simply because we do not see ourselves as lovable.
How many relationships have we sunk simply because they seemed “too good to be true?” When one introduces that kind of upstream vibration into what is intrinsically pure downstream vibration, we throw the whole works into reverse gear – and the magic disappears.

It is so very necessary for us, as human beings, to understand that since we create everything, we can make it last… but the more we love, the more we become afraid that we would have to live without it, and the more we focus on that, the more we start closing ourselves off to what is one of life’s numinous experiences.

If we could suspend disbelief, if we could allow ourselves to believe like children do – openly, wide eyed – we will find that we are able to allow ourselves all the love we need, that no day needs to go by spent in loneliness…

And as we open to love, we heal past wounds, past losses, and we return to that state of pure connection with Source which is our birthright, for every one of us.

So allow yourself, right now, to think that it may be possible that you can let go of your fears, of your fear of being loved and of losing that love, because it never has to happen again.

You make it happen – you can keep it going for as long as you need it.

Nina Ferrell is a writer, poet, professional channel for a group of well known entities who are coming through all over the planet to assist with the unfolding towards non-duality, a medium with an active interest in reconnection between people and their loved ones, an animal communicator and Reiki Master.

She currently live in Cape Town, South Africa.

Her web presence is: http://www.loa-c.com

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Your Ex Wants Sex: 3 Ways To Know When A Bootie Call Is OK

“I am going to be in town for a couple of days and I would love to see you.” the familiar voice said hopefully.

Instantly I am flooded with emotions both good and bad. We had been broken up for a few months and I had been trying to evict him from my mind ever since.

Unbidden, thoughts about him and how hot the sex was, how beautiful I felt when I was with him, how romantic it was to sip wine at sunset, had been running through my mind for weeks. My brief fling with himbigstockphoto_young_sweethearts_13940561 had been the most fun I’d had in years!

Now here he was, breezing back into my life and inviting me to reconnect. I knew my friends would be shocked that I was even considering it, so I didn’t telling anyone he called. There were so many parts of our time together that were very good. Why did we break up anyway?

Does this ring a bell? This exact scenario happened for me several years ago and I chose to say no. It was an excruciating choice because the chemistry was ridiculous. (I would love to know why the wrong men can have such exciting chemistry…just not fair!) This is how it played out.

Gorgeous, exciting ex-flame is visiting my tiny apartment. Candles were lit, jazz was playing and he was doing his best to coax me into bed. “It is important to live in the moment,” he said to me, “Do what feels good now.” My new interest in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle not withstanding, somehow I knew he was pushing his agenda over my lackluster objections.

I was so tempted. He had asked me for a back massage which, of course, I agreed. I loved touching him and what harm could it do? Ha! As I rubbed the oil on his back, he kept gently encouraging me to respond to my natural arousal and seal the deal. What a pickle!

Somehow, in the middle of this highly charged situation, I said to myself first and then to him, “Wait a minute. Just hold up here. I want to think about what is right for me.”

I went across the room, sat in a chair, closed my eyes and pleaded with my Inner Wisdom, “Please help me know what to do. I want this man but the red flags are waving madly! What should I do?”

I was hoping I would get a clear yes (dreamer!) or a clear no but what I got was the most amazing and calming answer.

“Whichever choice you make will be fine. You are going to be fine, no matter what.”

I laughed outloud and told him what I heard. He laughed too. I am sure he was hoping my Inner Guidance said yes, but he was absolutely wonderful when I told him I decided no. He had made it clear to me that he was not interested in a relationship with me and as much as I wished I could change his mind, I had to face the truth. Sex would be fun with him but I knew myself too well. I liked him more than that and a bootie call would send me into weeks of obsession! Bottom line, I want to be loved more than anything. Love has to be primary.

What about you? Are you facing a similar situation? A dear friend of mine always used to quip  “An ex is an ex for a reason” whenever I looked back at my ex-boyfriend. I would say the same to you. But, if you are not sure, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you feel a heart connection to this man? Do you really? Get quiet and allow the memories of your break up come back to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hurt and disappointed were you? If it is 6 or above. Stop for a moment and think about adding another disappointment to the mix. Does that work for you?

2. Are you obsessing about him? If you are, that is a symptom of an out of control mind. If you broke up, there was a reason for that. Jump into a new hobby or get outside and walk a couple of miles a day while listening to a book on tape. Take action to give your thirsty mind something to think about. An obsessive woman is not very attractive, not even to her friends.

3. What do your friends think? Trust your friends. Just like the Sex In The City girls, trust someone to talk to about this. Often your friends can see your situation more clearly. Yes, Carrie and Big got together, but that was a fairy tale. More times than not an ex is an ex for a reason and moving on is your best bet.

If you can’t get him out of your mind, don’t worry! There are lots of cool ways to occupy your mind while the next candidate comes across your path. Not to sound like my grandma but, there really are a lot of fish in the sea and there is someone out there for you.

If you are spending hours a day mooning over an ex, you sure can’t put too much energy into thinking the thoughts that will attract that new man to you.  Is that ok with you?

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My Boyfriend Won’t Talk To Me: Five Steps To Open His Heart

“Hmmmmm?”

I said as I realized that my man had just said something to me and I had not heard one word of it.

“Yes, Larry,” He said, “That is a great idea, I think we should do that.”

I snapped into the present and looked at him. He was doing what I do when I can’t get his attention.

I was busted and I knew it. Better yet, he knew it.

I feel an inner stab of pain whenever I say something to him and get no response. Even worse is when I say something and he starts another conversation. I don’t address these missteps every time they happen. Truth be told, I don’t like bringing them to his attention, but I am learning that if I am experiencing that stab of pain, it is ok for me to do something about that.

So when my man was able to gently show me how inattentive I was and could laugh about it, it was one of the most loving gestures I have felt from him in a long time. Seeing that my new communication choices are making a difference for both of us feels really good.

It was hard for me to hear him say that when I am talking about my latest passion, that he feels that is all I want to talk about. It IS all I want to talk about but knowing he feels that way, I can make a plan for what I need to feel heard.

1. Create A Tribe: (Thanks Seth Godin!) Fortunately I am well on my way and have a small but growing tribe around me who see my vision and love to brainstorm and enthuse with me about what I see happening in my business and in my tribe. My intuition is getting stronger every day and when I feel inspired to pick up the phone and call someone to chat, I am much more likely to call someone who loves my dream as much as I do. I don’t need my man to be that for me.  Tuning in to how much I talk about my own interests is helping me see myself from his eyes.

2. Create Ground Rules: My man doesn’t talk on the phone as much as I do. Does anyone? Wait until I get my I Phone! My business is conducted on the phone and because of time zones, I can have several phone calls in a day. When questioned about how much time I am on the phone, I chose to lay out the agenda of my phone use to him clearly and succinctly. I also make sure he knows that I am prioritizing him always in my planning.

3. Create A Social Schedule With Your Man: As my business is picking up, I am scheduling time with my man right into my weekly calendar. When I met him, he was divorced for 13 years and loved his alone time. I am the same way. When I know I have him on Friday and Sunday this week for doing our fun stuff, I can focus on my other tasks more clearly. He is not as likely to feel left out of my life when he knows that I am choosing my time with him especially.

4. Create Connection: I also noticed that sometimes when I really WANT to tell my my man what is developing in my business or in my personal transformation, I don’t need him to give me 100% of his attention for an hour, not even close. Thirty seconds of focused attention does more for me than hours of me babbling a way while he looks absently over my shoulder. Each of us has clues to find the heart space with our men so that we can feel connected.

When Larry busted me last night about my own disconnect from him, I could see it for what it was and I thanked him and could apologize open heartedly because I hate it when it happens to me. We talked about it and he was able to explain that I tell him more than he wants to know about my business. Instead of being hurt, I heard him. We were connected.

Just telling him, “I just want to engage with you for a couple of minutes” is often all it takes to bring more consciousness to each other. When we are connected, I feel loved, and I love that!

5. Play Checkers: Well, that might not be your first choice, but I decided I wanted to play more games with my husband. I had suggested a few times and it didn’t happen. I was frustrated but I decided to walk around the frustration and just get a game out. I asked if he wanted to pick the first game or should I. He asked me to pick. I got the checker board. I can’t even remember the last time I played checkers. It was great. Took about 20 minutes for one game. No rematch. Just 20 minutes of time focused on something completely new for us. Nice and really easy!

Noticing that you are disconnected from your man is valuable information. Your intuition and imagination will help you find ways to tune to him. These inner senses are just waiting for you to engage them. Try these five steps for now. Before long, you will be coming up with your own ideas! I can’t wait to hear how you find ways to create new connections with him!

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Can You Say “I Am Lovable!” Without Wincing?

I AM.

What am I, not how am I but what am I? And what in the world does that have to do with attracting love?

I am ____________. It is awfully easy to fill that sentence with negatives. Why is it so much easier to think of the stuff we don’t like about ourselves instead of what we DO like?

Think of the blank at the end of the sentence, “I am___________.” as a sort of energetic container. Wouldn’t it be wild if this sentence contained the power our mind then uses to replicate whatever is placed inside? That being said, how do these feel?

I am fat.

I am poor.

I am broke.

I am worried.

I am getting old.

I am never going to get anywhere.

I am a failure.

I am helpless.

Yikes!  Need I go on?

Wouldn’t it behoove us to fill that container very mindfully?

I am________.

Even though it would be awkward and artificial to start saying things like:

I am ok exactly how I am.

I am making progress.

I am better off than I was last year.

I am continually learning and growing in understanding.

I am calm more often.

I am trusting my inner guidance more and more.

I am seeing more and more of those amazing coincidences called synchronicities.

I am learning to hear from my heart.

I am tuning into my intuition regularly.

I know that my intuition always gives me words to work with if I just ask. I write…”I am”…with the intention of thinking of things that I can write that are optimistic and, most importantly, true.

Moving from there, I can put together some optimal thoughts:

I am strong.

I am healthy.

I am prosperous in all ways.

I am wealthy.

I am beautifully clothed and housed.

I am loved.

I am love.

I am peace.

I am happy.

I AM happy.

As you read through the optimal list, if you have any reaction at all, just notice it. Where are you feeling it in your body? Your throat? Upper chest? Stomach? Take a couple of deep breaths while you lay your hand on the part of body where you feel pressure or heat. The most likely candidates are your throat, your belly, your head or your chest.

Something in these thoughts is setting off an alarm bell. Your mind is saying, “Oh no, can’t go there. This feels fake.” Your body is responding because there are actual biochemicals running through your system causing a physical reaction. I never knew this until very recently and this really is a key.

This rush of inner energy frequently carries with it forgotten hurts from experiences from years ago. Because there are chemical reactions that go along with emotions, I can be more compassionate with myself knowing that I really can’t help getting upset. It is my body’s way of processing past emotional pain.

When you notice this kind of reaction while you are doing any manifesting exercise, stop and follow these steps:

1. Take a deep breath and see how intensely you are reacting.

2. Rate it from 1 to 10 with one being low. Just admit to yourself that you are struggling a little right now.

3. Begin to calmly say these I AMs or any that come into your awareness.

I am starting now.

I am lots of good things and I am going to start telling myself so.

I am ok right where I am.

I am learning more about myself all the time, and I love that about myself!

I am catching myself more often when my thoughts are going in the wrong direction.

I am proud of myself.

I am feeling deep love and appreciation for myself.

I am resilient.

I am a tough cookie.

I am very experienced in the school of life. I am choosing to see that anything is possible.

Take a deep breath. And another.

Now check and see if the intensity has changed.

Remember, anytime you make an affirmation that just doesn’t feel good, it is an engraved invitation to find and reclaim your creative energy locked away in that forgotten hurt.

Every time you choose your I ams, whether you feel anything or not, you strengthen your connection to your intuition.

The stronger your intuition, the better your decisions. The decisions you make direct your course.

That is where I am most surely guided.

You will be too.

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Minding My Own Business….What A Concept!

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Surprising Key to Allowing More Love In Your Life

Why is it so easy to see what others are doing wrong, and so difficult to see our own errors in judgment?

Why are we born with this self defeating tendency?

When I read in the Abraham Hicks material that The Art of Allowing is the decision to let people other people live life as they choose with no opinion making by me, I was surprised.

Could my choice to stay out of other people’s business actually improve my chances of receiving the love I was asking the Universe for?

Hmmm.

But, I KNOW they are making mistakes.

Really? Just how sure am I about that?

Ok, let’s test it out. A friend of mine is racking up a lot of credit card debt. I see it happening and it makes me worry. Should I say something or not?

Even if I do not say something, inside of me there is a strong current of thought all about them, their choices and their potential consequences.

Even as I write that, a part of me sees how pointless that is. I don’t really have any power to change their choices, even if I did confront them on their spending habits. Besides, look how much of my time and energy I am putting into someone else’s drama!

Just what are my options anyway? If I say something, will it benefit our relationship? Probably not. No one likes to have their weak spots pointed out.

If I don’t say anything and keep worrying about it, I have no peace of mind about it. After all, anyone can see that they are making the “wrong” choices. If I choose to say nothing and then work on my worried thoughts, at least I have something I can do.

After all, they are MY thoughts and thoughts can be changed. Do I really want to spend so much time thinking about someone else’s life?

I can help myself focus on my worry habit and who knows, maybe my choice to stay out of their business will bear more fruit for my life and their lives too.

Abraham Hicks thinks so. He teaches us clearly that if we want to allow our good to come to us, we can speed up our progress by allowing other people’s lives to unfold without our interference.
Now there is a challenge worth taking on!

How does my worrying about others affect my relationship with my man or finding my soul mate? Plenty. Worry, anxiety and complaining are not exactly the ways to a man’s heart. Learning to let go of those low vibrating thoughts and allowing my friends and family to choose their own paths frees me to think about more joyful things.

Joy and peace are VERY attractive to friends and lovers. Choosing to let others live their lives without my input equips me to be lovingly detached from my man’s personal choices. When he feels less pressured to measure up to my expectations, he is opening up to me in very real ways.

That makes me feel loved and respected….and that feels delicious!

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished?  Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low.  Take control of your love life! Click here for a complimentary strategy session.

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I Hate When He Is Mad At Me

I Hate When He Is Mad at Anyone

Isn’t it interesting how well you get along with a new man? My husband and I still enjoy a wonderful rapport but in the beginning we saw each other in such a good light! Seriously, a huge chunk of the magic of beginning a relationship is that no one gets annoyed, isn’t it? What a delicious, soul-satisfying time that is. Too bad we don’t know how to appreciate it at the time!

When real life starts and you and your soul mate start to let your guard down a bit and express frustration, it CAN get a little scary. It seems like it would be nice to go back to the blindness of a hormone overdose, but ladies, I am hear to tell you, learning to let him evolve into the fabulous man he is, is the only way to go.

Once you get that being upset about something is about the most valuable thing that can happen to you, that is if you want to learn to tune into your man, you will never look at road rage or your man’s family or friends in the same way again!

I used to run like crazy from being upset. If I felt my man was upset with me, I would do everything I could to pretend that I wasn’t upset by the fact that he was upset. I always tried to keep one step ahead so he wouldn’t be upset. It’s exhausting for me to think back to that time. No wonder I was struggling.

I wish I would have known how easy it can be to process the past disappointments. Finding a calm frame of mind is not only possible, it is a skill you can learn yourself and is always immediately available. Whether you use guided meditations, meditation, prayer or even a talk with a good friend, you can learn to ease your emotional discomfort smoothly and steadily.

Decide today that you are going to practice paying attention to what you are thinking about. Louise Hay is famous for saying, “Stop terrifying yourself!” She is right. Any thought can be changed. I realized that I was spending all of my time thinking about how not to upset my man instead of thinking about the love and closeness I wanted with him.

When your thoughts are balanced and you choose what you think about, you are much more Teflon-like in your tendency to let other people’s stuff get to you. You take things more lightly and you are physically relaxed and comfortable.

Now when something or someone is bothering me, I am getting much better at stopping my scary thoughts and as I do, something amazing happens! Even one slightly more positive thought automatically attracts another and before you know it, I am distracted and not upset anymore. Sometimes simply thinking, “I want to feel better” is all I need to think.

If I feel my man is annoyed with something I have done and he withdraws emotionally from me, it is NOT comfortable at all. In my first marriage, I ran from facing my inner pain because I didn’t know any better. Bless my heart, I even blamed him a lot of the time because I was so miserable. Bless his heart, too.

Now that I have the incredible gift of a second chance to live out a relationship in a radically different way, I am soaring! When I get scared, I practice listening to my thoughts . Now I can acknowledge my uneasiness and then choose to think about my resilience and strength. I am learning to talk to myself the same way I would encourage my best friend…kindly and lovingly.

You owe it to yourself to learn the fine art of managing your thoughts. It is the sure way to create radiant self confidence and that is very attractive!

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