Tag Archives: relationship

Do You Still Believe In Soul Mates

Once upon a time, a young mom with a bright, beautiful future embraced her life with all of her heart.cat-kids21

She loved her children, her husband and her life. She had no idea what lay ahead for her. She adored being a mom and was lucky enough to be able to take a couple years off to spend at home with her kids.

What she couldn’t see happening at the time was the slow, steady and inevitable diminishing of her connection to her husband and their marriage. Who knows what the first clues were.

She didn’t hear her heart whispering to her, “Something is wrong here, recalculate your settings, you are closing yourself to the dreams of love for the sake of avoiding conflict and fighting.”

Because she couldn’t hear the wisdom of her heart, calling her to see LOVE as something she could nurture and invest in, she began FIGURING OUT how to find happiness.

Instead of living a HEART CENTERED LIFE, she cleverly created an INTELLECTUAL AND HEAD CENTERED LIFE that worked, or rather seemed to work, for many years.

She had no idea how much more difficult, in fact, how nearly impossible it is to create a sustainable relationship with HEAD CENTERED reasoning.

She felt strong and capable, and no, she DIDN’T FEEL LOVED, the way she felt others were loved, but she made her home, raised her children, went back to work and lived life figuring that FEELING DEEPLY LOVED was just not her fate.

Fast Forward…..Children grown, marriage in pieces, heavily medicated with anti depressant medication–a life changing AHA experience woke her up from her complacent coma and blasted her into a completely different world.

The girl in this picture, the 29 year old mom glowing with hope and purpose, is me. I am so glad that even though life has taken paths I never anticipated, I STILL BELIEVE IN LOVE…..1000%.

I believe in SOUL MATE LOVE even more than I ever did. I know my first husband was my soul mate. I loved him completely and focused my life around him. I have two fantastic children and the world’s cutest grandbaby.

I also have been blessed with a SECOND SOUL MATE….a second chance at love….a second chance at life as someone’s BELOVED.

DON’T GIVE UP ON LOVE.

IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A SOUL MATE OUT THERE……DON’T GIVE UP!

IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BRING SOUL MATE LOVE BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP….YOU ARE RIGHT!

Being someone’s BELOVED is a sweet deeply soul satisfying place to live.

I wish that for each and everyone of you!

Together we can create HEART CENTERED relationships, we have much to teach to one another and we MUST START AT HOME.

Can you be the SOULMATE OF YOUR SOUL? Are you willing to BE THE SOUL MATE your future partner is searching for?

Sound in….DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN SOUL MATES?

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I Can’t Believe He Did That!

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Disappointment sucks. The higher your hopes, the further the fall when disappointment hits. Can you avoid it? How do you take away the sting?

Let me tell you a story. Forty or fifty years ago, a little girl was getting ready for Christmas. She had spotted a pair of red patent leather shoes and in her heart of hearts that is all she wanted. She pictured herself wearing them as her friends oohed and ahed with admiration and jealousy.

Every time she walked by the store window in her little town, she stopped to admire those beautiful shoes.

When the big day finally arrived, she ran to the Christmas tree and sure enough, there was a shoe box shaped present with HER name on it!! Eagerly she waited for her mom to distribute the gifts. With bated breath she held the small box with the santa paper and red bow.

At last it was her turn, she tore through the paper and sure enough, is WAS a shoe box. Heart racing, she tossed away the lid and her heart sank in disbelief. In the box, wrapped in tissue was a jump rope. Too young to hide her disappointment, she burst into tears and ran out of the room.

Her mom, unaware of her secret wish, reacted as many of us do. She frowned and told her to be grateful, that other children had to do without at Christmas and that she should be ashamed of herself.

The roots of disappointment are deep in all of us. There is no escape. So it is a curse, right?

Nope, dead wrong. Disappointment is an OPPORTUNITY. Tough things happen to each and everyone of us. Because our imaginations are so strong and we anticipate what we THINK will delight us, we set ourselves up for disappointment all the time. Why?

Because with each adult disappointment we can go back and relieve the remnants of childhood misperceptions. Countless times through our growing up years we are faced with making decisions on our child like perceptions.

One of these decisions is often….disappointment sucks and if I try hard enough, I will never be disappointed again. The problem with that decision is that it makes no sense at all.

Imagine if Walt Disney let disappointment stop him….would he have, could he have persevered through 299 bank loan denials before the 300th bank said yes?

Imagine if Thomas Edison let disappointment stop him before he finally succeeded in developing the light bulb?

Disappointment is a treasure. The worse it hurts, the more power there is under it to blast you to a new level of relationship success. Hiding from disappointment does not make it go away., it only paves the way for deeper pain the next time.

Learn to use the power in disappointment to unearth past hurts that are ready to be released. That was then and this is now. Make a new choice for yourself about the dramas of the past and you will find the patience and wisdom you need to talk to your man about what is bothering you.

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Kids With Your Ex For The Holidays? 5 Keys To Coping

My kids are adults.

Wonderful, successful, bright and shining stars in their worlds. I love them and respect how they have handled the break up of our family. My ex-husband and I both have good relationships with them and, as far as I am concerned, the past is firmly in the past.

I have since remarried and relocated. He is involved with a significant other and moving on.

Lots of feelings get stirred up as the holiday season approaches and sadness creeps right up on me.

I guess the better question is: Why am I surprised that I am sad?

We were married nearly 30 years and held the dream of happily ever after way beyond what makes sense nowbigstockphoto_sight_of_the_boy_in_a_new_year_1544949 as I look back. There was no happily ever after for us. Loss of our family unit, shared glee at our grandbaby’s toothless grin, mutual celebration of our daughter’s law school achievements and our son’s professional life.

This Thanksgiving, five years after the divorce, I am still a little blue. Picturing them with their dad and extended family aches. Every year it gets a little easier at holiday time, but it still aches.

What can we do? Here are five keys to coping with not being with your kids during the holidays. Do your kids a favor and pick at least one and commit to it. They need us to be grownup about it, it is the best holiday gift you can give them.

1. Redefine Happily Ever After: Who said there is no happily ever after? Of course there is! Each of us has walked past the family breakup into new and grand adventures. We have met new people, learned new things and made new memories. Repeat after me: I AM living happily ever after!

2. Rent A Sad Movie: Yes, you read right! It is a good thing to cry. I watched 28 Days this morning with Sandra Bullock. Funny and poignant family drama revolving around early childhood tragedy and the fall out. I found it easy to cry and some of my sadness melted away with the tears.

3. Write A Letter To Your Kids: No, you don’t need to send it! Just write from your heart and pour out your disappointment about not being able to be with them right now. Write how proud you are of them because you know how hard it is for them. Tell them that no matter what, both of you love them to pieces and you are doing your best to manage your own feelings.

4. Do The Gratitude Thing: You have heard it a million times….stay grateful. It is hardest when your emotions are all over the place, but you CAN do it. Thank goodness you are no longer married. Thank the Divine for your new relationships. Thank heaven for those wonderful children…a product of the two of you.

5. Clean a closet: What you say? Yes! There is no better time to do a little purging. Make some room for the new by getting rid of the old. Throw away, give away or have a garage sale. Plug in your Ipod with a good audio book or some old time rock and roll and get busy! Pass the time with mindless productivity, you will feel great when you are done.

While you kids may never be able to express themselves to you in this way, they will be deeply impacted by your taking care of your own emotions during this time. They are hyper-sensitive to your feelings and will have a much happier holiday when they see you using healthy ideas to make a better time for yourself when you have to be apart!

How about you? What tricks have you used to deal with broken family holiday blues?

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How To Make Your Man Miserable

Someone typed that into the Google window on their way to finding this blog and I couldn’t resist!

Why in the world would you want to make your man miserable anyway? The answer may surprise you!

If your relationship is taking on water and you are bailing as hard as you can to stay afloat, there are some things you can do to get him to share some of the work.

Women complain that “He just sits on the couch and tunes me out.”bigstockphoto_o_no_i_don_t_want_to_listen__307379

Then they tell their circle of friends all about it and what do you know….everyone jumps in and before you know it, you have each described your man’s weaknesses and bad habits heavily laced with mean spirited emotion.

Ladies, READ THIS CAREFULLY, the way to make your man miserable is to make yourself ecstatic!

Once he is left with his own grumpy self and can’t fling it at you, he just might start picking up the slack.

I know, I know, I can hear you: “But it isn’t fair….HE is causing all of the problems. If HE would get up off the couch and fix a few things around here, I wouldn’t be so stressed. Why should I do the changing when HE is the problem.”

Whenever you are talking more about him than yourself, you are in the PERFECT PLACE to make a radical shift in how you operate. Try these 5 ideas and see if you can rock your relationship world out of miserable and into restore mode:

1. When he is being a grump, go for a walk. A long one. Plug in your Ipod and listen to your favorite music and kick it into gear. Leave him alone with himself and refresh your mind and spirit!

2. If he is buried in his newspaper and not listening to you, light the corner of his paper with a match…..no, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT, even if you want to. Ask him to put the paper down and set a time for you to check in with each other. Tell him that you want to engage with him for 10 minutes and then stick to it!

3. If he is defensive, disarm him. You know him best. You know what buttons he is sensitive to. Find something to compliment him about and say, “I want to feel closer to you and I don’t know how.”

4. Plan a candle light dinner to celebrate yourselves. No matter what, you are together for a reason and a little night music with candles is always appreciated. Reminisce over your first couple of dates and ask him, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we went back to one of those places?”

5. Write him a long letter. One that is NEVER TO BE SENT. Write to his best self, the boy he was and still is…maybe deeply guarded and overwhelmed. Tell him your hopes and dreams for each other. Write in detail and let yourself empty your heart of what you long to say. If you do this everyday for a week…you will be stunned at the change.

Lastly…..STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM, period. Words are powerful. More powerful than we give them credit for. If you wouldn’t say it in front of him….DON’T SAY IT!

Will he be miserable really? Who knows. If you change radically how you handle your disappointments in the relationship, at least it will be a fresh playing field. He may not know quite how to manage the new game but if your are supposed to be together, you will see signs that your work is paying off!

Once you follow these five steps, you will feel amazing! You will unload your backed up feelings safely and the rush of creative energy will show you that you are on the right track!  Besides, you will remember why you fell in love with him in the first place!

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Money Worries Wrecking Your Love Life?

Pressures about money can put a damper on your love life. The men in our lives often burrow into a holebigstockphoto_stack_of_cash_4386771 when the economy is in trouble and it can be lonely in there. Your own worries about money aren’t exactly the best aphrodisiac around either.

In the last several months, I have been on a journey to actually create a relationship with money itself. No, I haven’t sat across the table from a hundred dollar bill yet, as one of my jokester buddies suggested, but I am comparing my relationship to money to a close friendship and it led me to some interesting discoveries.

When I looked at how badly I treat money compared to a BFF, I was amazed and it changed my perspective. How long would your BFF be your BFF if you treated her like this:

1. Hide her from your friends and family.

2. Ignore her day and night.

3. Use her without considering how she feels about it.

4. Dress her in a crummy old outfit (wallet).

5. Worse yet, let her roll around in the bottom of your bag with nothing on at all!

6. Never tell her your secret longings and hopes.

7. Never give her gifts or surprises.

8. Never trust her to do the job she was created to do.

9. Never inspire her to dream big and fly high.

10. Never tell her how much she means to your life.

If you choose to begin a relationship with money, you will see the world much differently and you will also attract friends who do the same! You will also unlock a valuable part of your inner game plan.

Your confidence with money will change how the people in your life look at you, that man included!

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Your Ex Wants Sex: 3 Ways To Know When A Bootie Call Is OK

“I am going to be in town for a couple of days and I would love to see you.” the familiar voice said hopefully.

Instantly I am flooded with emotions both good and bad. We had been broken up for a few months and I had been trying to evict him from my mind ever since.

Unbidden, thoughts about him and how hot the sex was, how beautiful I felt when I was with him, how romantic it was to sip wine at sunset, had been running through my mind for weeks. My brief fling with himbigstockphoto_young_sweethearts_13940561 had been the most fun I’d had in years!

Now here he was, breezing back into my life and inviting me to reconnect. I knew my friends would be shocked that I was even considering it, so I didn’t telling anyone he called. There were so many parts of our time together that were very good. Why did we break up anyway?

Does this ring a bell? This exact scenario happened for me several years ago and I chose to say no. It was an excruciating choice because the chemistry was ridiculous. (I would love to know why the wrong men can have such exciting chemistry…just not fair!) This is how it played out.

Gorgeous, exciting ex-flame is visiting my tiny apartment. Candles were lit, jazz was playing and he was doing his best to coax me into bed. “It is important to live in the moment,” he said to me, “Do what feels good now.” My new interest in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle not withstanding, somehow I knew he was pushing his agenda over my lackluster objections.

I was so tempted. He had asked me for a back massage which, of course, I agreed. I loved touching him and what harm could it do? Ha! As I rubbed the oil on his back, he kept gently encouraging me to respond to my natural arousal and seal the deal. What a pickle!

Somehow, in the middle of this highly charged situation, I said to myself first and then to him, “Wait a minute. Just hold up here. I want to think about what is right for me.”

I went across the room, sat in a chair, closed my eyes and pleaded with my Inner Wisdom, “Please help me know what to do. I want this man but the red flags are waving madly! What should I do?”

I was hoping I would get a clear yes (dreamer!) or a clear no but what I got was the most amazing and calming answer.

“Whichever choice you make will be fine. You are going to be fine, no matter what.”

I laughed outloud and told him what I heard. He laughed too. I am sure he was hoping my Inner Guidance said yes, but he was absolutely wonderful when I told him I decided no. He had made it clear to me that he was not interested in a relationship with me and as much as I wished I could change his mind, I had to face the truth. Sex would be fun with him but I knew myself too well. I liked him more than that and a bootie call would send me into weeks of obsession! Bottom line, I want to be loved more than anything. Love has to be primary.

What about you? Are you facing a similar situation? A dear friend of mine always used to quip  “An ex is an ex for a reason” whenever I looked back at my ex-boyfriend. I would say the same to you. But, if you are not sure, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you feel a heart connection to this man? Do you really? Get quiet and allow the memories of your break up come back to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hurt and disappointed were you? If it is 6 or above. Stop for a moment and think about adding another disappointment to the mix. Does that work for you?

2. Are you obsessing about him? If you are, that is a symptom of an out of control mind. If you broke up, there was a reason for that. Jump into a new hobby or get outside and walk a couple of miles a day while listening to a book on tape. Take action to give your thirsty mind something to think about. An obsessive woman is not very attractive, not even to her friends.

3. What do your friends think? Trust your friends. Just like the Sex In The City girls, trust someone to talk to about this. Often your friends can see your situation more clearly. Yes, Carrie and Big got together, but that was a fairy tale. More times than not an ex is an ex for a reason and moving on is your best bet.

If you can’t get him out of your mind, don’t worry! There are lots of cool ways to occupy your mind while the next candidate comes across your path. Not to sound like my grandma but, there really are a lot of fish in the sea and there is someone out there for you.

If you are spending hours a day mooning over an ex, you sure can’t put too much energy into thinking the thoughts that will attract that new man to you.  Is that ok with you?

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Tweets For My Tweetheart: 5 Ways To Use Twitter To Jazz Up Your Love Life

Last Monday, I was at Social Media Simplified where I learned about how social media can be used for business. Mari Smith, Deb Micek, Simon Leung, Denise Wakeman (1/2 the Blog Squad), Nancy Marmolejo, and host Linda P. Taylor blew us away with the statistics on how Facebook, blogging and Twitter are radically changing the entrepreneurial environment of the world. Practical, easy tips for things you can do today to start maximizing your social media connections.

I loved every minute soaking up the info like a sponge. It wasn’t until I got home, though, that I realized Twitter could be a fun tool for building a romantic relationship as well.

For all of you who are saying, “What in the world is Twitter?”, I can relate. I began hearing about Twitter last summer and joined in August. Twitter leads the way in the world of micro blogging. Micro because you can only use 140 characters in any one message. Blog because you are communicating to the internet world with your thoughts and ideas.

Once you join, you pick a handle (remember Rubber Ducky from the trucker and cb days?) and you are good to go, mine is CaptainCat. Ask your friends to join and the fun begins. I love creating conversations with the 140 character limit. It’s a great game!

Deb Micek (CoachDeb at Tribal Seduction) revamped my view of Twitter and the tweets (that is what the messages are called) and I began to see that the Twitter mentality might just be a great tool build some nice buzz in the beehive, if you know what I mean.

Here are Five Ways to Use Twitter To Jazz Up Your Love Life!

1. Invest Your Emotional Self. Consciously enjoy your relationships on Twitter. I love to tweet (create the messages). Similar to crossword puzzles and other word games, Twitter engages your creativity, your imagination and your communication skills. Allow yourself to feel the satisfaction of connection. Your man may not engage with you in this same way and that is ok. You can feel connected to others and fill your emotional tank.

2. Invite him to join. Your man may roll his eyes at your internet fun, but if you put your mind to it, you can find a way to invite his participation. You may be his only friend for awhile and he may want to DM (direct message) you only, but if you sell it to him as a word game, tell him it is easier than instant messaging and that you will send him some cute and maybe even naughty messages, he may just give it a try.

3. Be Patient. If he declines your first invitation, don’t despair. You keep having fun on Twitter, however, and listen up here…this is critical, stop tweeting when you and he are at the dinner table, taking a walk or being together in any way. You will communicate boatloads to him when he sees you turn off your phone or computer and really “Be” with him.

4. Introduce Him To The Fun Of Tweets. Create some tweets and put them on post it notes and put them around the house where your man can see them. If you like using abbreviations, use them but let him know what they mean. LOL (laughing out loud) We fall into the lingo so easily, we forget others don’t know what it is all about. Your man will appreciate getting up to speed with Twitterese and he won’t feel out of place.

5. Every Day Tweet Mentality: Ladies, it is amazing how much can be said in a 140 character statement. Try having a Twitter mentality when you are speaking to your man. How briefly can you say what you need to say and yet still be understood. Men have such a hard time with the verbal flood that comes out of our mouths, bless them. Do him and yourself a favor and tweet to you man. Keep it short and simple. He will love you for it!

If you are a beginner in the world of social media and even if you are a veteran, I strongly recommend you get yourself a copy of the Social Media Simplified DVD series. I would have saved myself hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars has I known how to use social media like Facebook and Twitter strategically in my business. Linda has a special deal going so don’t waste another minute, order your copy today.

One other cool thing is that a part of the purchase price goes to support the Ventura Technical Development Center. Talk about a win-win-win!

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