Tag Archives: thanksgiving

Kids With Your Ex For The Holidays? 5 Keys To Coping

My kids are adults.

Wonderful, successful, bright and shining stars in their worlds. I love them and respect how they have handled the break up of our family. My ex-husband and I both have good relationships with them and, as far as I am concerned, the past is firmly in the past.

I have since remarried and relocated. He is involved with a significant other and moving on.

Lots of feelings get stirred up as the holiday season approaches and sadness creeps right up on me.

I guess the better question is: Why am I surprised that I am sad?

We were married nearly 30 years and held the dream of happily ever after way beyond what makes sense nowbigstockphoto_sight_of_the_boy_in_a_new_year_1544949 as I look back. There was no happily ever after for us. Loss of our family unit, shared glee at our grandbaby’s toothless grin, mutual celebration of our daughter’s law school achievements and our son’s professional life.

This Thanksgiving, five years after the divorce, I am still a little blue. Picturing them with their dad and extended family aches. Every year it gets a little easier at holiday time, but it still aches.

What can we do? Here are five keys to coping with not being with your kids during the holidays. Do your kids a favor and pick at least one and commit to it. They need us to be grownup about it, it is the best holiday gift you can give them.

1. Redefine Happily Ever After: Who said there is no happily ever after? Of course there is! Each of us has walked past the family breakup into new and grand adventures. We have met new people, learned new things and made new memories. Repeat after me: I AM living happily ever after!

2. Rent A Sad Movie: Yes, you read right! It is a good thing to cry. I watched 28 Days this morning with Sandra Bullock. Funny and poignant family drama revolving around early childhood tragedy and the fall out. I found it easy to cry and some of my sadness melted away with the tears.

3. Write A Letter To Your Kids: No, you don’t need to send it! Just write from your heart and pour out your disappointment about not being able to be with them right now. Write how proud you are of them because you know how hard it is for them. Tell them that no matter what, both of you love them to pieces and you are doing your best to manage your own feelings.

4. Do The Gratitude Thing: You have heard it a million times….stay grateful. It is hardest when your emotions are all over the place, but you CAN do it. Thank goodness you are no longer married. Thank the Divine for your new relationships. Thank heaven for those wonderful children…a product of the two of you.

5. Clean a closet: What you say? Yes! There is no better time to do a little purging. Make some room for the new by getting rid of the old. Throw away, give away or have a garage sale. Plug in your Ipod with a good audio book or some old time rock and roll and get busy! Pass the time with mindless productivity, you will feel great when you are done.

While you kids may never be able to express themselves to you in this way, they will be deeply impacted by your taking care of your own emotions during this time. They are hyper-sensitive to your feelings and will have a much happier holiday when they see you using healthy ideas to make a better time for yourself when you have to be apart!

How about you? What tricks have you used to deal with broken family holiday blues?


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Filed under Holidays, Walking The Walk

How Much Love Can You Handle?

Hi Everyone,

Today I invited Nina Ferrell to contribute her fab piece on Receiving Love. Hope you enjoy it and HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!

How Much Love Can YOU Handle?

That may seem like a strange question but I wonder if we realize to which extent we shut love out of our lives – simply because we do not see ourselves as lovable.
How many relationships have we sunk simply because they seemed “too good to be true?” When one introduces that kind of upstream vibration into what is intrinsically pure downstream vibration, we throw the whole works into reverse gear – and the magic disappears.

It is so very necessary for us, as human beings, to understand that since we create everything, we can make it last… but the more we love, the more we become afraid that we would have to live without it, and the more we focus on that, the more we start closing ourselves off to what is one of life’s numinous experiences.

If we could suspend disbelief, if we could allow ourselves to believe like children do – openly, wide eyed – we will find that we are able to allow ourselves all the love we need, that no day needs to go by spent in loneliness…

And as we open to love, we heal past wounds, past losses, and we return to that state of pure connection with Source which is our birthright, for every one of us.

So allow yourself, right now, to think that it may be possible that you can let go of your fears, of your fear of being loved and of losing that love, because it never has to happen again.

You make it happen – you can keep it going for as long as you need it.

Nina Ferrell is a writer, poet, professional channel for a group of well known entities who are coming through all over the planet to assist with the unfolding towards non-duality, a medium with an active interest in reconnection between people and their loved ones, an animal communicator and Reiki Master.

She currently live in Cape Town, South Africa.

Her web presence is: http://www.loa-c.com


Filed under Guest Bloggers